Every person at some point in life faces a situation where things go wrong while dealing with people that make one regret later. Listen to me carefully, this is going to happen a lot of times. If one doesn’t want to lose an opportunity or if one wants to make an impression, one must know the ways of dealing with people. Otherwise, handling people is not as easy as it seems. I faced this many times and how remembering these simple things made my life easier.
In this article, I am going to be talking about some key points while dealing with people and are directly taken from the book “How to influence win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.
2. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of importance (everyone wants to feel important/wanted) and arouses resentment
3. Instead of condemning everyone, try to figure out why they are how they are. “To know all is to forgive all”
4. “I will speak ill of no man… and speak all the good I know of everybody”
From these points, it is clear, criticism or complaining only causes resentment. This brings our first principle.
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
The Big Secret of Dealing with People
- There is only one way to make someone do something, which is making them want to do it.
- The deepest craving in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
- The best way to develop the best that is in a person is through appreciation and encouragement. — Charles Schwab
- Be anxious to praise and loath to find fault
- Let others know you appreciate them or something about them often
- Don’t just tell someone something small like “You’re doing great” or “Lookin good!”, but tell them HOW they’re doing great, or what about them looks good, etc. This will let them know it is real appreciation and not just flattery.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
He Who Can do this Holds the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way
- Think about things from other people’s perspective
- Put the other person’s wants before your own.
- Convince this person of how something can benefit them
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
The above points seem as simple they are but just realize how often we remember these small things.